Posts Tagged ‘Societal Issues’

Sexism Much?

Written by Orchid on December 10th, 2014. Posted in Blog

The following rant is in response to this article:

Dear men and boys: feeling like retreating from the dating world because you just can’t win no matter what you do? How about instead of being a coward, when you see a man behaving badly whether he is a friend or stranger, call him out on it.

The more you ask your gender to behave like human beings instead of misogynist assholes, the better your reputation will become.

Not sure whether or not you should kiss her? How about you ask her. It’s incredibly romantic, thoughtful, sensitive and so on. Trust me if, she wants to kiss you and you ask her for her permission she will be all the more delighted to lay one on you. If however, she is not interested in kissing you, don’t get upset. She has every right to say no. Not every person in the world is going to want to smooch you. Furthermore, asking for permission to breach physical boundaries helps to build trust because it will show her that you’re aware of her physical and emotional boundaries and that you respect those boundaries above your own selfish desires and sexual impulses. The more trust you build the stronger the foundation of your interactions and potential long-term relationship will be.

Dear girls and women: feel like men are just sexist assholes and you can’t seem to find a good one? How about instead of settling for or making excuses for someone who is not treating you right, you tell them what it is that you need and expect from your interactions. Furthermore, take the time to genuinely research what feminism and equality actually mean instead of regurgitating sensationalist, Neo feminist views. True feminism demands equality for all people, it does not support women being above men in terms of rights and expectations. If you want to be a crazy bitch, that’s your choice but that’s not feminism.

Life Source

Written by Orchid on April 21st, 2014. Posted in Blog

“When you’re born, you’re ejected out of a vagina, hurtling through the universe towards death at the speed of time…the vagina is the portal from which all human life emerges, the source of life, yet nobody wants to talk about it.  You come out of a vagina, and as soon as you’re out you’re told not to talk about where you came from.” – Duncan Trussell


Written by Orchid on April 14th, 2014. Posted in Blog

“Straight people don’t get bullied for being straight.”

Oh yes they do. I have been mistreated, insulted, laughed at and so on by members of the LGBTQ community/individuals who identify as anything other than heterosexual on occasions when said individuals have assumed that I’m straight as well as when I’ve expressed that I identify as bisexual.

Women I’ve been attracted to who identify as gay/lesbian have told me they won’t sleep with me because I also sleep with men and that disgusts them and therefore I disgust them.

I have been told that I’m not really bisexual, I just say that I am because it’s trendy or because I want attention and so on. Really? Then I guess I can run around telling gay men that they shouldn’t make out in public because they’re obviously just doing it to get attention.

I have been told things along the lines of “Well you’re straight so you don’t belong in an establishment that caters to those of alternative sexuality.” I’m not straight but apparently because I’m a white female living in the United States it’s perfectly acceptable to assume I’m straight instead of asking me whether I am or not. Furthermore by being considered straight I’m told I’m “not worthy” of being in an LGBTQ establishment…how is this fair, mature, justifiable behavior?

Oh wait. It’s not. For fucks sake, pull your heads out of your asses and start paying some fucking attention.

I mean, must have missed the memo covering why identifying with any sexuality other than heterosexual makes your plights worse than those of other people and apparently also makes yours more valid. I suppose being a straight white woman who gets raped for any myriad of reasons makes her trauma less valid because she’s straight. Yea, totally missed that one.

Not that anyone gives a flying fuck of course. She probably deserves it because she’s so much more privileged than a gay man who is victimized for any reason.If the LGBTQ community really wants equal treatment they wouldn’t mistreat or disregard others lives and hardships when said others identify as heterosexual. They would say. “You were raped because your attacker said your outfit meant you were asking for it? I’m so sorry.” They would not say. “Oh you were raped? Well I was too but it was worse for me because I’m gay.”

But really, forgive me. Apparently straight people live in a magical land of lollipops and fairy tales. They never experience loss, grief, disrespect, mistreatment or any other such trauma and if they do it’s NEVER as bad as it is for someone who identifies as anything other than heterosexual. I had no idea that simply identifying as hetero immediately makes ones problems less significant.

Now, if you’re preparing to disagree with me or attempt to diminish my experiences in any way, why don’t you instead take that time to delete me and don’t ever again address me as a friend. I have zero tolerance for being disregarded simply because you think myself and others like me don’t have similar or comparable problems in comparison to whomever it is you think has it worse.



Written by Orchid on September 6th, 2013. Posted in Blog

As a dancer it is imperative that one is on alert at all times.  However, even the best of us occasionally let our guard down or have a lapse in judgement.  I am currently in the middle of a shit-storm for having trusted someone I met whilst at work.  Ladies (and gentlemen) who work in the sex industry, this may seem like common knowledge but I will say it anyway: DO NOT TRUST YOUR PATRONS.  I haven’t made such a mistake in a very long time but it has happened none-the-less and I feel like a complete moron.  Then again, sometimes you can’t see the crazy coming no matter how well you read people.

My life has been threatened and my car was severely damaged by someone I thought I could trust.  It seems that sometimes strip club patrons/enthusiasts forget why we dancers are there.  We are there to entertain and provide a fantasy but that’s all.  It’s very simple.  But there have been in the past and always will be those who let themselves believe that the fantasy is real.  They become possessive, unpredictable, aggressive, jealous and dangerous.  They will try to buy your love and attention, they will expect much more in return for their patronage than is appropriate.

Do not ever give anyone your real name, no matter how innocent it may seem.  People can do a lot with very little information.  That is why we have fake names at work.  That is also why we should not give out our phone numbers.  Make up an email with your stage name and do not attach any personal information to it.  It’s much better to be safe than sorry, much better to be overly cautious than to risk getting hurt, abducted or killed at the hands of a person who cannot separate their fantasy from reality.

For those of you who have never experienced such terror let me tell you: Being in a position where you fear for your life and the lives of your offspring, friends and family who may become caught in the crossfire of your situation is an emotionally crippling experience.  Please learn from my mistake and heed my warnings.  People may seem friendly and trustworthy but you never know when someone may cross the line from patron to stalker.

No amount of money, or promise of money is worth risking your life and safety over.


Written by Orchid on August 19th, 2013. Posted in Blog

I’ve been hearing a lot about “slutshaming” lately in addition to all the other forms of bullying women experience.  It is an attitude and mindset that plagues our world and has done so since the dawn of mankind.

So how do we solve this problem, how do we eliminate slutshaming and all other forms of disrespect towards women?  I’ve got an idea and it’s simple: STOP GIVING CREDIT TO THOSE WHO MISTREAT YOU.  When someone bullies another person, no matter what the reason, the bully is mistreating their target for many reasons.  They want to get a reaction from their victim, they want to humiliate them, they may even feel ashamed or guilty themselves for something related or unrelated to the type of harassment they’re inflicting on their victim.  This is not to say that every woman in the world is equipped with the ability to stand up for themselves or to realize that they don’t have to accept being mistreated.  There are many cultures that view women as inferior and without rights.  However, here in this beautiful United States of America, I would venture to guess that the majority of women are capable of shedding their victim mentalities for an enjoyable, happy life.

Now, you cannot always control how other people treat you.  However, why would you give credit to someone who calls you a slut because of what you’re wearing or how you live your life, especially when that person is probably a complete stranger?  Furthermore I often observe that women who allow themselves to be tormented by hurtful commentary and treatment from others are usually ashamed of some portion of themselves.  Why should anyone be ashamed of ANYTHING they think, feel, do, wear, eat and so on.  If your life doesn’t damage the lives of others around you it doesn’t matter what you do or who you are.

I read a blog post today by a woman who is tired of being verbally mistreated because she is “skinny” (her words not mine).  She laments the constant verbal commentary of others saying she needs to eat something and other such cliche statements.  To her I would say: how about instead of giving credit to such treatment, why don’t you ask yourself, am I happy with my body?  If the answer is yes, nothing anyone else says should matter to you, grow a spine and stop whining on the internet about how you’re mistreated for your body type.  Do I run home crying when somebody talks trash to me about having tattoos?  Of course not.  I couldn’t care less what a stranger has to say to me about how I choose to present myself to the world.  I am proud of who I am and what I look like.  When I feel that I’m not in the shape I WANT TO BE IN, I do something about it.  When I want to boost my self esteem for my own personal reasons, I put on makeup but I do it for MYSELF.  Not for anyone else.

I can’t help but think that you dear readers, may find my opinions and statements to be cold, unfair and unsympathetic.  You may even feel that I am speaking in impractical and unrealistic absolutes.  But you know what?  I’m not ashamed of what I’m saying.  I have very little patience for people who chose to be victims.  And trust me when I say this, being a victim to verbal disrespect (like slutshaming) is a choice.

Say for example you’re in a bar, minding your own business when some man comes along and starts hitting on you.  You politely rebuff him which he decides to get angry about.  He may call you a bitch, a slut, or any other such variation of the sort.  This hurts your feelings.  But why?  The only reason this man is reacting in such a way is because he is insecure and cannot handle your completely valid rejection.  He doesn’t know you, and if you’re smart you won’t let his words affect you any more than you would notice a fly buzzing through your field of vision.

My rant may be coming across as feminist but believe you me, I am no feminist.  Most of the feminists I know feel that men are the lesser sex, maybe even to the point where they hate men altogether.  Does this make them better?  No, it makes them the female counterpart to male misogynists.

I could rant on and on and ON about this particular subject so instead I’ll wrap it up for today with this:  my statements about letting other people’s comments affect you also applies to any other negative commentary someone may make about you, your life, your choices, etc.  Are you vegan?  A Christian?  Gay?  Black?  Great.  But don’t get in a tizzy when someone ridicules you for it.  Grow up and get over it because no matter where you go or what you do there will always be someone who will mistreat you for who you are and chances are they’ll be some random stranger.

Gender Equality

Written by Orchid on August 19th, 2013. Posted in Blog

DISCLAIMER: This is all subject to my opinion and interpretations of what I see and experience. The statements here-in are not indefinite, infallible or absolute.

Watching Mona Lisa Smile. Contemplating the roles society continues to try and force men and women into and the unfair standards in place. Women must be intelligent, attractive, patient, yielding and sexually respectable while also being strong, independent and thick-skinned.

Men may philander and booze their way through life with little or no judgement from society. They do not have to answer for how many women they bed whereas women must answer for every notch on her bedpost regardless of what gender said bed partners are.

BUT: Men must have a car, a job and a financial plan for their future. They must be the bread-winners, the initiators and the leaders. They must help form and shape our society and protect it. As if our society really needed protection from itself.

If we as a society truly desire “gender equality” there are steps that must be taken. We need to stop focusing on what gender somebody is or identifies with. We also need to throw away everything we think we know in regard to what men should do and what women should do, and also what they, according to their gender, must absolutely not do.

(This blog originally written in spring 2013)

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