Posts Tagged ‘Ramblings’


Written by Orchid on April 14th, 2014. Posted in Blog

Despite my unshakeable and fierce independence, I also need to be nurtured.  I need to be showered with affection.  I need to be held, fucked, caressed.  I need somebody with a bottomless wellspring of energy to love me day and night.  But I cannot be caged, suffocated or held back.  It’s a conundrum I know.

I want to fuck you, make love to you, caress you, without caring what time it is or how long we’ve been entangled in each other.  I want to feel the weight of your love and I want to shower you with mine. I want to slow dance with you in my kitchen, I want to forget the stove is on, to forget my hunger in your arms. I want to feel the tender fragility of passion and the vulnerability of your soft lips pressed against me. I want you to love me.

Just the thought of you sends shocks of electricity from my nipples to my loins. I can feel the endorphins explode outward from my center and out to all my extremities.


Written by Orchid on April 14th, 2014. Posted in Blog

“Straight people don’t get bullied for being straight.”

Oh yes they do. I have been mistreated, insulted, laughed at and so on by members of the LGBTQ community/individuals who identify as anything other than heterosexual on occasions when said individuals have assumed that I’m straight as well as when I’ve expressed that I identify as bisexual.

Women I’ve been attracted to who identify as gay/lesbian have told me they won’t sleep with me because I also sleep with men and that disgusts them and therefore I disgust them.

I have been told that I’m not really bisexual, I just say that I am because it’s trendy or because I want attention and so on. Really? Then I guess I can run around telling gay men that they shouldn’t make out in public because they’re obviously just doing it to get attention.

I have been told things along the lines of “Well you’re straight so you don’t belong in an establishment that caters to those of alternative sexuality.” I’m not straight but apparently because I’m a white female living in the United States it’s perfectly acceptable to assume I’m straight instead of asking me whether I am or not. Furthermore by being considered straight I’m told I’m “not worthy” of being in an LGBTQ establishment…how is this fair, mature, justifiable behavior?

Oh wait. It’s not. For fucks sake, pull your heads out of your asses and start paying some fucking attention.

I mean, must have missed the memo covering why identifying with any sexuality other than heterosexual makes your plights worse than those of other people and apparently also makes yours more valid. I suppose being a straight white woman who gets raped for any myriad of reasons makes her trauma less valid because she’s straight. Yea, totally missed that one.

Not that anyone gives a flying fuck of course. She probably deserves it because she’s so much more privileged than a gay man who is victimized for any reason.If the LGBTQ community really wants equal treatment they wouldn’t mistreat or disregard others lives and hardships when said others identify as heterosexual. They would say. “You were raped because your attacker said your outfit meant you were asking for it? I’m so sorry.” They would not say. “Oh you were raped? Well I was too but it was worse for me because I’m gay.”

But really, forgive me. Apparently straight people live in a magical land of lollipops and fairy tales. They never experience loss, grief, disrespect, mistreatment or any other such trauma and if they do it’s NEVER as bad as it is for someone who identifies as anything other than heterosexual. I had no idea that simply identifying as hetero immediately makes ones problems less significant.

Now, if you’re preparing to disagree with me or attempt to diminish my experiences in any way, why don’t you instead take that time to delete me and don’t ever again address me as a friend. I have zero tolerance for being disregarded simply because you think myself and others like me don’t have similar or comparable problems in comparison to whomever it is you think has it worse.


I Release Thee

Written by Orchid on April 14th, 2014. Posted in Blog

I’ve noticed a pattern forming recently in how the events of my life are unfolding.

Every time I worry about something, or “fear” the future outcome of a situation, I make an effort to let my fears and worries go.  I close my eyes (unless I’m driving of course), inhale and exhale deeply and focus on my third eye while I say in my head (and sometimes out loud) that I will not fret, for everything will work out and everything is going to be alright.  It’s a strange little ritual which always brings a smile to my lips, even if the smile only lasts a short while.

Not matter how dire the situation has seemed to be, within 24 hours everything is alright again.  The less I worry, the better things seem to become.  By forcing myself to see the positive elements in my life, all the negative things that once had a fair amount of control over me now seem pale and unimportant.

People say “intention” and positivity don’t work.  And to those people I say: “Don’t knock it until you try it and don’t dismiss my happiness because you’re terrified of your own.”


Written by Orchid on September 6th, 2013. Posted in Blog

As a dancer it is imperative that one is on alert at all times.  However, even the best of us occasionally let our guard down or have a lapse in judgement.  I am currently in the middle of a shit-storm for having trusted someone I met whilst at work.  Ladies (and gentlemen) who work in the sex industry, this may seem like common knowledge but I will say it anyway: DO NOT TRUST YOUR PATRONS.  I haven’t made such a mistake in a very long time but it has happened none-the-less and I feel like a complete moron.  Then again, sometimes you can’t see the crazy coming no matter how well you read people.

My life has been threatened and my car was severely damaged by someone I thought I could trust.  It seems that sometimes strip club patrons/enthusiasts forget why we dancers are there.  We are there to entertain and provide a fantasy but that’s all.  It’s very simple.  But there have been in the past and always will be those who let themselves believe that the fantasy is real.  They become possessive, unpredictable, aggressive, jealous and dangerous.  They will try to buy your love and attention, they will expect much more in return for their patronage than is appropriate.

Do not ever give anyone your real name, no matter how innocent it may seem.  People can do a lot with very little information.  That is why we have fake names at work.  That is also why we should not give out our phone numbers.  Make up an email with your stage name and do not attach any personal information to it.  It’s much better to be safe than sorry, much better to be overly cautious than to risk getting hurt, abducted or killed at the hands of a person who cannot separate their fantasy from reality.

For those of you who have never experienced such terror let me tell you: Being in a position where you fear for your life and the lives of your offspring, friends and family who may become caught in the crossfire of your situation is an emotionally crippling experience.  Please learn from my mistake and heed my warnings.  People may seem friendly and trustworthy but you never know when someone may cross the line from patron to stalker.

No amount of money, or promise of money is worth risking your life and safety over.


Written by Orchid on August 19th, 2013. Posted in Blog

I’ve been hearing a lot about “slutshaming” lately in addition to all the other forms of bullying women experience.  It is an attitude and mindset that plagues our world and has done so since the dawn of mankind.

So how do we solve this problem, how do we eliminate slutshaming and all other forms of disrespect towards women?  I’ve got an idea and it’s simple: STOP GIVING CREDIT TO THOSE WHO MISTREAT YOU.  When someone bullies another person, no matter what the reason, the bully is mistreating their target for many reasons.  They want to get a reaction from their victim, they want to humiliate them, they may even feel ashamed or guilty themselves for something related or unrelated to the type of harassment they’re inflicting on their victim.  This is not to say that every woman in the world is equipped with the ability to stand up for themselves or to realize that they don’t have to accept being mistreated.  There are many cultures that view women as inferior and without rights.  However, here in this beautiful United States of America, I would venture to guess that the majority of women are capable of shedding their victim mentalities for an enjoyable, happy life.

Now, you cannot always control how other people treat you.  However, why would you give credit to someone who calls you a slut because of what you’re wearing or how you live your life, especially when that person is probably a complete stranger?  Furthermore I often observe that women who allow themselves to be tormented by hurtful commentary and treatment from others are usually ashamed of some portion of themselves.  Why should anyone be ashamed of ANYTHING they think, feel, do, wear, eat and so on.  If your life doesn’t damage the lives of others around you it doesn’t matter what you do or who you are.

I read a blog post today by a woman who is tired of being verbally mistreated because she is “skinny” (her words not mine).  She laments the constant verbal commentary of others saying she needs to eat something and other such cliche statements.  To her I would say: how about instead of giving credit to such treatment, why don’t you ask yourself, am I happy with my body?  If the answer is yes, nothing anyone else says should matter to you, grow a spine and stop whining on the internet about how you’re mistreated for your body type.  Do I run home crying when somebody talks trash to me about having tattoos?  Of course not.  I couldn’t care less what a stranger has to say to me about how I choose to present myself to the world.  I am proud of who I am and what I look like.  When I feel that I’m not in the shape I WANT TO BE IN, I do something about it.  When I want to boost my self esteem for my own personal reasons, I put on makeup but I do it for MYSELF.  Not for anyone else.

I can’t help but think that you dear readers, may find my opinions and statements to be cold, unfair and unsympathetic.  You may even feel that I am speaking in impractical and unrealistic absolutes.  But you know what?  I’m not ashamed of what I’m saying.  I have very little patience for people who chose to be victims.  And trust me when I say this, being a victim to verbal disrespect (like slutshaming) is a choice.

Say for example you’re in a bar, minding your own business when some man comes along and starts hitting on you.  You politely rebuff him which he decides to get angry about.  He may call you a bitch, a slut, or any other such variation of the sort.  This hurts your feelings.  But why?  The only reason this man is reacting in such a way is because he is insecure and cannot handle your completely valid rejection.  He doesn’t know you, and if you’re smart you won’t let his words affect you any more than you would notice a fly buzzing through your field of vision.

My rant may be coming across as feminist but believe you me, I am no feminist.  Most of the feminists I know feel that men are the lesser sex, maybe even to the point where they hate men altogether.  Does this make them better?  No, it makes them the female counterpart to male misogynists.

I could rant on and on and ON about this particular subject so instead I’ll wrap it up for today with this:  my statements about letting other people’s comments affect you also applies to any other negative commentary someone may make about you, your life, your choices, etc.  Are you vegan?  A Christian?  Gay?  Black?  Great.  But don’t get in a tizzy when someone ridicules you for it.  Grow up and get over it because no matter where you go or what you do there will always be someone who will mistreat you for who you are and chances are they’ll be some random stranger.

Family Ties

Written by Orchid on August 19th, 2013. Posted in Blog

I envy those with deep family roots and traditions. Those with a history and a legacy of heritage. Such Feelings churn within my restless heart.

My family has been broken into so many pieces. Like a priceless vase that has been chipped away at bit by bit. As solitary pieces we are nothing. Just shards of decorative porcelain that were once a part of something greater. My edges are worn smooth with years of solitude and grief. I miss my father. And my grandfathers. Their memories have been scattered to the merciless winds of time. No first hand account of what they lived through has ever been recorded and now must be passed down. But not one will step forward to do so. They all live their lives in selfishness and secrecy. Each out to further their own agendas with little regard for those with whom they share a sanguine bond. Nobody calls, nobody writes and everyone blames someone other than themselves for loosing touch.

I like to think that if nothing else I have enough scraps of my history to cling to, so as to prevent complete and crushing anguish from running my life into the ground. And cling to them I will, for dear life. For each one sparks a memory and that is all I have left.

I must forge ahead in this life alone and make my own way. At least my shard of porcelain, with its smooth edges and faded flowers, is beautiful.

(This blog originally posted on my old account March 2013)

Gender Equality

Written by Orchid on August 19th, 2013. Posted in Blog

DISCLAIMER: This is all subject to my opinion and interpretations of what I see and experience. The statements here-in are not indefinite, infallible or absolute.

Watching Mona Lisa Smile. Contemplating the roles society continues to try and force men and women into and the unfair standards in place. Women must be intelligent, attractive, patient, yielding and sexually respectable while also being strong, independent and thick-skinned.

Men may philander and booze their way through life with little or no judgement from society. They do not have to answer for how many women they bed whereas women must answer for every notch on her bedpost regardless of what gender said bed partners are.

BUT: Men must have a car, a job and a financial plan for their future. They must be the bread-winners, the initiators and the leaders. They must help form and shape our society and protect it. As if our society really needed protection from itself.

If we as a society truly desire “gender equality” there are steps that must be taken. We need to stop focusing on what gender somebody is or identifies with. We also need to throw away everything we think we know in regard to what men should do and what women should do, and also what they, according to their gender, must absolutely not do.

(This blog originally written in spring 2013)

Drowning in Nepotism

Written by Orchid on August 16th, 2013. Posted in Blog

This town is so saturated in nepotism it’s ridiculous. People are not typically hired based on the merits of their talents, experience or professionalism, they are most often hired based primarily on who they know.

Portland, you are going to lose out on all of the genuinely talented people if you keep letting them fall by the wayside while you continue to only do favors for your friends. In the real world people are hired based on work experience, character and abilities. Get with it kids.

Performers, please do not think you are exempt from this rant.  Not speaking up for yourselves only serves to perpetuate the problem.  If you’re unhappy, there isn’t a single reason you should feel incapable of finding a mature and professional manner in which to address your concerns.

All of this is certainly not meant to imply that if you have talented friends that you shouldn’t hire them. Many connections are made based on such relationships. My point is rather that before you pass over someone who is truly qualified because you want to do your friend a favor, take a moment to consider your choice.

Furthermore: I am very thankful to all of the people I know who have helped me along in my career and I am forever in your debt for giving me a chance to share my passion for performance with the world. When I become rich and famous, you will all be on the list of people I owe a portion of my success to.

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