Posts Tagged ‘Paint It Black’


Written by Orchid on June 4th, 2014. Posted in Blog

I’m in a suspended state of utter, euphoric bliss until suddenly I realize the birds have stopped singing.  The once safe feeling of the surrounding untamed arboretum now feels like a prison.  Nature is so fickle isn’t she?  It’s as if she knows when one is in love and thus plays ones heartstrings like a violin until one feels firmly secure in ones happiness.  She then waits for the perfect, crystallizing moment to strike one with lightning as she cackles and rides away on the wind.

Laying on the forest floor, now naked and alone where I was once safely clothed in the limbs and lips of my lover, tears fall rapidly from my burning eyes as if to imitate a rainstorm on a most miniature scale.  The earth has hardened beneath my bruised limbs.  On any other day, at any other moment, I would have predicted the coming storm and would have therefore sought shelter until it had passed.  And yet for some reason unknown entirely to me, I managed to miss all the fleeting indicators of discord ahead.

I am bewildered, the contents of my skull feel muddled and disoriented.  I am acutely aware of wrongdoing.  I am most certain I am at fault and yet, I am at a loss as to what it is I have done wrong.

It is most fortunate no appetite stirs within me, for in this unfamiliar territory I fear mistakenly ingesting nature’s poisons more than I fear starvation.


Written by Orchid on April 14th, 2014. Posted in Blog

As I hold my heart in my hands, arms outstretched toward you, I hope you reach for it before it’s too late. This is not to say that my heart would be given to another, quite the opposite, I may have to place it under lock and key and never again present it for the purpose of romance. There it will sit between my lungs and behind my ribs, mourning for the love I so ardently wish to share with you.


Written by Orchid on November 5th, 2013. Posted in Blog

One of my favorite ways to start my day is with photo edits waiting for me in my email.  My thanks go to Elisa Lazo de Valdez of Visioluxus Photography for such amazing final edits!!!

Visioluxus 1

Visioluxus 2


Written by Orchid on September 6th, 2013. Posted in Blog

As a dancer it is imperative that one is on alert at all times.  However, even the best of us occasionally let our guard down or have a lapse in judgement.  I am currently in the middle of a shit-storm for having trusted someone I met whilst at work.  Ladies (and gentlemen) who work in the sex industry, this may seem like common knowledge but I will say it anyway: DO NOT TRUST YOUR PATRONS.  I haven’t made such a mistake in a very long time but it has happened none-the-less and I feel like a complete moron.  Then again, sometimes you can’t see the crazy coming no matter how well you read people.

My life has been threatened and my car was severely damaged by someone I thought I could trust.  It seems that sometimes strip club patrons/enthusiasts forget why we dancers are there.  We are there to entertain and provide a fantasy but that’s all.  It’s very simple.  But there have been in the past and always will be those who let themselves believe that the fantasy is real.  They become possessive, unpredictable, aggressive, jealous and dangerous.  They will try to buy your love and attention, they will expect much more in return for their patronage than is appropriate.

Do not ever give anyone your real name, no matter how innocent it may seem.  People can do a lot with very little information.  That is why we have fake names at work.  That is also why we should not give out our phone numbers.  Make up an email with your stage name and do not attach any personal information to it.  It’s much better to be safe than sorry, much better to be overly cautious than to risk getting hurt, abducted or killed at the hands of a person who cannot separate their fantasy from reality.

For those of you who have never experienced such terror let me tell you: Being in a position where you fear for your life and the lives of your offspring, friends and family who may become caught in the crossfire of your situation is an emotionally crippling experience.  Please learn from my mistake and heed my warnings.  People may seem friendly and trustworthy but you never know when someone may cross the line from patron to stalker.

No amount of money, or promise of money is worth risking your life and safety over.


Written by Orchid on August 30th, 2013. Posted in Blog

We stood barefoot on his headstone, looking into each others eyes as the priest spoke. We were wed upon my father’s grave.  Some might consider such behavior to be excessively macabre.  Unfortunately for those individuals I have never cared much for the opinions of others.  Frost covered blades of grass clicked against one another in approval.  The fog had yet to lift, making it seem as though we were somewhere between the planes of existence.  The black lace of my dress rustled gently with the rise and fall of my breasts.  Our feet were absolutely numb against the hard finality of the marble but it was of little consequence considering the circumstances.

Almost as if the priest understood our intentions, he had not asked where our witness was.  He knew, as did we, my father would be present.  I felt him there beside me, a faint hint of warmth against my left arm.  The urge to turn and look over my shoulder was quite nearly impossible to fight against.  I could picture his smile, perhaps even a few tears making their way down the soft lines in his cheeks before burrowing into his beard.  But I knew if I tried to look he would not be visible.

Upon the closing of our private ceremony, my love and I embraced with a modest passion as the priest made his way back up the hill and out of sight.  When our lips parted once again I saw a large stag just beyond the tree line.  He craned his neck ever so slightly to one side and stared directly back into my eyes.  Salty tears escaped furiously and silently over the line of my lashes as I watched the stag slowly turn and disappear into the woods.

“Goodbye” I whispered.  “I love you.”


Written by Orchid on July 18th, 2013. Posted in Blog

Welcome to my awesome page full of awesomeness.


Tweet Tweet