Written by Orchid on August 19, 2013. Posted in Blog

I’ve been hearing a lot about “slutshaming” lately in addition to all the other forms of bullying women experience.  It is an attitude and mindset that plagues our world and has done so since the dawn of mankind.

So how do we solve this problem, how do we eliminate slutshaming and all other forms of disrespect towards women?  I’ve got an idea and it’s simple: STOP GIVING CREDIT TO THOSE WHO MISTREAT YOU.  When someone bullies another person, no matter what the reason, the bully is mistreating their target for many reasons.  They want to get a reaction from their victim, they want to humiliate them, they may even feel ashamed or guilty themselves for something related or unrelated to the type of harassment they’re inflicting on their victim.  This is not to say that every woman in the world is equipped with the ability to stand up for themselves or to realize that they don’t have to accept being mistreated.  There are many cultures that view women as inferior and without rights.  However, here in this beautiful United States of America, I would venture to guess that the majority of women are capable of shedding their victim mentalities for an enjoyable, happy life.

Now, you cannot always control how other people treat you.  However, why would you give credit to someone who calls you a slut because of what you’re wearing or how you live your life, especially when that person is probably a complete stranger?  Furthermore I often observe that women who allow themselves to be tormented by hurtful commentary and treatment from others are usually ashamed of some portion of themselves.  Why should anyone be ashamed of ANYTHING they think, feel, do, wear, eat and so on.  If your life doesn’t damage the lives of others around you it doesn’t matter what you do or who you are.

I read a blog post today by a woman who is tired of being verbally mistreated because she is “skinny” (her words not mine).  She laments the constant verbal commentary of others saying she needs to eat something and other such cliche statements.  To her I would say: how about instead of giving credit to such treatment, why don’t you ask yourself, am I happy with my body?  If the answer is yes, nothing anyone else says should matter to you, grow a spine and stop whining on the internet about how you’re mistreated for your body type.  Do I run home crying when somebody talks trash to me about having tattoos?  Of course not.  I couldn’t care less what a stranger has to say to me about how I choose to present myself to the world.  I am proud of who I am and what I look like.  When I feel that I’m not in the shape I WANT TO BE IN, I do something about it.  When I want to boost my self esteem for my own personal reasons, I put on makeup but I do it for MYSELF.  Not for anyone else.

I can’t help but think that you dear readers, may find my opinions and statements to be cold, unfair and unsympathetic.  You may even feel that I am speaking in impractical and unrealistic absolutes.  But you know what?  I’m not ashamed of what I’m saying.  I have very little patience for people who chose to be victims.  And trust me when I say this, being a victim to verbal disrespect (like slutshaming) is a choice.

Say for example you’re in a bar, minding your own business when some man comes along and starts hitting on you.  You politely rebuff him which he decides to get angry about.  He may call you a bitch, a slut, or any other such variation of the sort.  This hurts your feelings.  But why?  The only reason this man is reacting in such a way is because he is insecure and cannot handle your completely valid rejection.  He doesn’t know you, and if you’re smart you won’t let his words affect you any more than you would notice a fly buzzing through your field of vision.

My rant may be coming across as feminist but believe you me, I am no feminist.  Most of the feminists I know feel that men are the lesser sex, maybe even to the point where they hate men altogether.  Does this make them better?  No, it makes them the female counterpart to male misogynists.

I could rant on and on and ON about this particular subject so instead I’ll wrap it up for today with this:  my statements about letting other people’s comments affect you also applies to any other negative commentary someone may make about you, your life, your choices, etc.  Are you vegan?  A Christian?  Gay?  Black?  Great.  But don’t get in a tizzy when someone ridicules you for it.  Grow up and get over it because no matter where you go or what you do there will always be someone who will mistreat you for who you are and chances are they’ll be some random stranger.

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Painted Lady. Brass Acrobat. Aerialist. Snake Charmer. Jill-Of-All-Trades. Nerdery Enthusiast. Show-off. Writer. Photographer. Doodler. Cheese, all the cheese.

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